Haywired

Days went by, months passed, and the sudden urge to vent the heart out again.

Have you ever questioned your place in one’s life? Have you evaluated the way one’s character but before jumping to any conclusion about that someone, deep inside, you’re seeking answers to your questions that only meddles in your mind but you never once dared speaking it out? That’s only because the bitter truth is that you very well know the reality and you already have the answers at the back of your mind but you’re just not ready to accept them cos there’s something stopping you from it…

Sometimes, you grow into living an oblivious life, pretending that nothing bothers you, really. Not everybody can see the pain behind those eyes hence it have always been better to staple a smile over that pretty face so you could walk your pain alone. But again, who are you fooling? You could undeniably deceive the world, but never yourself. 🙂 When you sit alone in the empty darkness, your mind starts thinking and your heart starts feeling and there you go, falling apart, crumbling into pieces.

As time goes by, living a life as such becomes part and parcel of your life. Distinctly, there are days where you’re fully contended wishing it will remain by you forever. But again, life is a passing cloud. There’s nothing permanent.

Please ignore the jumbled thoughts. Haywired.

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Mind and Heart – No Chemistry

I smiled through the confusion, laughed through the euphoria, weeped through the agony… I surpassed it all because more than I want to, I had to… life’s an adventure after all. 😄

Time passes, situation turn overs, people changes … but love never fades. I trust that each and every person that comes into your lives comes in it for a reason and there’s no way they’ll depart without leaving a footprint in your heart. ❤

Yes honey, nothing is permanent in this world. People do leave. 🙂 just that some stays longer than expected, not in your lives, but in your heart. 🙂 In fact, some are there forever. 😁

Lately, it has been a pretty challenging to express the mind and heart. I’m always in a dilemma, muddled between thoughts and emotions. Someone once told me that the mind and heart does not latch on to chemistry thus love is painful because though you know it’s disastrous, you can’t keep yourself from feeling it. 😉 and as much as it hurts, you can’t negate the wonderful moments which turns out to be life’s greatest memories. 😀

Oh well, …. life goes on. 🙂 keep smiling to curtain the way it sores, pierces, gashes and aches inside. 🙂 🙂

Life Goes On..

She was lying in bed at 2 o’clock in the morning, tossing and turning, trying to catch some sleep after a long exhausting day. Memories of yesterday were flooding through her restless mind. “Again?!” she asked herself. “Go away! I need to rest!” she interjected. It was apparent that she felt uneasy. Tablets of flashbacks began to puzzle her intuition. “Fuck off! Leave me alone!” she yelled silently in her head. She was nearly in tears but the voices in her head were not leaving her alone.

She started to sob. She knew that she was breaking down, once again, during the darkest hours of the night, all alone. Thousands of questions crept through her like the vibes of an acid frenzy. All the horrible bygones began to dawn to her.

A voice in her head said, “What have I done? Was it a mistake? Why do I feel that I should not have taken such a bold step to remove him completely from my life? I miss him!” Tears were streaming down her face like rain gushing off a steep roof.

She knew that she have gone through a lot in life and a break up was indeed petty in comparison to the rest. But of course she can’t deny the fact that the pain pierced through her heart like pricking needles. She hated feeling this way. She hated pretending strong in the daylight but weeping obscurely when the night falls. She wants to smile genuinely. She wants to laugh whole-heartedly. But why does it all seem so difficult? Why does it seem that happiness is no longer in her league anymore?

In tears, she closed her eyes and let the thoughts wander.. “Oh God, in You I believe, in You I surrender. Please give me the strength to endure this heartbreak. I’m sure You know the best for me. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you, Lord. I believe that You’ve got greater plans!” she prayed silently and fall asleep sooner.

And today, when I glance back at those miserable nights, I’m assured that it all happened for a reason. “God will not give you more than you can handle” – A phrase that became a motto of my life. Whenever I think I’m shattering, I hold my guts tight and tell myself, “It is just another phase of life. You’ll get through it. Don’t give up!”

Life goes on.

Lost Of Ideas And Thoughts!

I lost it. I lost my inspirations to blog.. 😦 Nothing inspires me anymore.

I’ll be filled with thoughts when I don’t have the medium to blog but whenever I get the chance to start writing, I tend to just lose it completely.. Lost of ideas and thoughts. Hence I leave this place without anything but a draft. :/

Hmmm.. Since I got the chance to blog now, lemme share with you the second biggest step I took in life. I enrolled as a law student and will be officially starting my classes in January. I’m QUITE nervous especially thinking the fact that I’ll be studying and working both at the same time.. Just hope all goes well and with His blessings, I’m sure it isn’t impossible. 🙂

Till then.. Sayonara! ❤