Haywired

Days went by, months passed, and the sudden urge to vent the heart out again.

Have you ever questioned your place in one’s life? Have you evaluated the way one’s character but before jumping to any conclusion about that someone, deep inside, you’re seeking answers to your questions that only meddles in your mind but you never once dared speaking it out? That’s only because the bitter truth is that you very well know the reality and you already have the answers at the back of your mind but you’re just not ready to accept them cos there’s something stopping you from it…

Sometimes, you grow into living an oblivious life, pretending that nothing bothers you, really. Not everybody can see the pain behind those eyes hence it have always been better to staple a smile over that pretty face so you could walk your pain alone. But again, who are you fooling? You could undeniably deceive the world, but never yourself. 🙂 When you sit alone in the empty darkness, your mind starts thinking and your heart starts feeling and there you go, falling apart, crumbling into pieces.

As time goes by, living a life as such becomes part and parcel of your life. Distinctly, there are days where you’re fully contended wishing it will remain by you forever. But again, life is a passing cloud. There’s nothing permanent.

Please ignore the jumbled thoughts. Haywired.

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The Road Less Traveled

“True love is when you shed a tear and still want him. It’s when he ignores you and you still love him. It’s when he loves another but you still smile and say ‘I’m happy for you’… when all you really want to do is cry.” ~ Anonymous

“I’m okay”, two words that covers the life puzzle like no other. Its the easiest way not to be questioned further because you’re just too exasperated to explain the way you feel about everything. You realize that your life is a maze, indeed a mystifying one. You’re aware that you’ll face a stumbling block no matter which junction you take hence you resolve to go right up ahead and just let it be because you want to be happy now… you want to live for the moment, not for the future… and most importantly, you wanna smile now, genuinely because you’re tired of being overwhelmed with emotions every now and then.

While travelling your road, you may appear to be lonesome but the truth is, you’re not at all lonely. You’ve got the most amazing friends you can rely on at any time, any day and you know for fact that they’ll be there for you. Also, you’ve got your family back at any time you need them and you’ve got God, hence there’s no need for anything else. Oh well, you can’t escape from the oh-so-judgmental human nature. Thus, its best to be ignorant to an extent and continue walking down your the path you’ve chosen because in the end, the journey is yours… you’ve got to live for yourself, not for others. 🙂

Over the years, I’ve traveled my road, I’ve walked my path, I’ve overcome the mountains and here I am, at a crossroad once again. Damn! Didn’t I mention earlier that I’m clearly aware that no matter which junction I take, I know I’d have to overcome a mountain or another. Gosh. Can’t the sun just shine for longer days? Why must it rain so soon?

Silly me, without hesitation, I decided to take the road less traveled, the road that leads to familiar destruction, the road that I walked back from years ago. But I’m not regretting because I’m happy, though not completely, but I am… Yes, I’m very much enlightened with the fact that this is gonna be temporary but why not?.. Life is a risk after all.

Somethings Are Better Left Unsaid..

Have you came across a situation where you have loads of things crossing your mind and heart but you can’t seem to put it in words and burst it out loud?

I have. I’m feeling it at this very moment. I have no idea how to form my unspoken thoughts to words.. It’s more difficult than algebra.

I didn’t know love will cause this much pain. Memories flood my mind almost every day.. And I’m wondering, how could he forget me totally? How come I don’t matter anymore?

Not to brag, but I had been there for all good and bad times in his life as long as I was there.. When his friends left his side, I was there. When his precious instrument was confiscated, I was there. When he had no place to stay, I was there. When he was facing challenges with his studies, I was there… In the end, I’m still there but he’d found a better life.

I don’t understand the concept of life and love. I feel like Humpty Dumpty with a twist in my story. I was sitting on a wall called love and I had a great fall.. 😦 This time around, I find it really tough to get back to where I was sitting hence I’m opting for another wall called life.. Concentrate on myself, family, friends and God. If I’m gonna fall from this wall as well, I don’t think I’d have the courage to look for another wall.

Oh God, you’ve taken the word love out of my life.. Please don’t take the rest. I’m contended with what I have eventhough he once said that I’m not..

Smiling in sorrow has became a routine. Showing joy on the outside while my heart cries inside has became a habit. I wanna get outta this shithole. Seriously.

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Birthday? Whose birthday? ;)

Whose birthday? 😉 My b’day! 🙂

I turned 23 a week ago.. Gosh! I feel so old! It seemed like yesterday I celebrated my 16th birthday and with a blink of eye I’m 23 already.. Le sigh… But.. I had the most amazing birthday surprise of my lifetime! 😀 Lemme show you a sneak peak.

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All my colleagues actually made an effort to dress up in PINK just because my nickname is Pinky and my favorite color is pink.. They planned it in such a way that I thought I may be fired from work that day. Well, classic! 😉 Aite, lemme tell you everythin in detail ey?

Hmmmm.. I went to work as usual that morning with no slightest expectation to be treated like a princess.. Haha! I was then given some task to complete, the usual. NO ONE wished me, yeah, no one but I wasn’t feeling down as I didn’t expect anyone to remember either. I only know them for about a month and other than my introduction session, I never once spoke bout my birthday. So yeah, I thought they might have forgotten. Then during lunch, my supervisor, Joanna insisted me to come along for there was an ‘important meeting’ with the big boss, Tze Kuen.

Tze Kuen is a very nice lady.. And never once I saw her mad at anyone. But from what I heard, once she’s pissed, you must have done something REALLY WRONG! And of all days, she sounded pissed that noon. Pfffttt! I thought I probably messed up something without my knowledge and what else could have gone worst than it happening on my already not-so-fun birthday!

It was only when I reached the restaurant, I realized everyone was wearing pink but still it didn’t occured to me.. I was more than freaked out to be bothered bout anything else!

Then there goes Tze Kuen starting her speech in a fuckin serious tone.. “So we’re here today to.. CELEBRATE PINKY’S BIRTHDAY”! Gosh! Only God knows the expressions I gave. I was SHOCKED! I almost blurted out, “Are you fuckin kidding me?!”.. Haha! Amazinggg! Reallllyyyyyy… 😀

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It was a PINK birthday indeed! All the gift were PINK, wrapped up with PINK present paper! I was extremely touched that they went extra miles to make me feel really special on my birthday. Wow!

And from this, I’ve learned that it is not necessary for someone to know you for ages to make you a part of them. 🙂 I really appreciate everything! A hugggeeee THANK YOU once again girls! 🙂

Look our for my next post to know what have I learned in the process of reaching this age.. 😉

Take care peeps!