Isolated.

The title itself explains my feelings at this very moment. I feel isolated.

For once, I haven’t got a clue to what’s important.. To get my dignity stepped on or to keep a step back from people? I’ve realized too many instances of my surroundings bitching behind my back. I wish I could bark to their faces and tell them to do it secretly but if they’re really doing it to offend me, they can always say it directly to my face.

I literally lose my patience today and I couldn’t help from being vomiting my heart out. Enough of pointing those fingers at me, you’re not perfect either. I honestly do NOT understand the logic of the hierarchy system. If one is rich, famous or merely holding a higher position at a workplace, get your head straight and treat others just the way you want to be treated. You have no rights to intimidate them just because you feel that your bank balance worth more than theirs!

Due to the issues that got obvious to my eyes, I chose to keep a step back from these people. What’s the point being close when there’s no sincerity?

I was a stage of life when I gave great importance to feel belonged in a particular place or environment, even if that meant lowering myself to the ground. But I’ve grown ever since. I’ve opened my eyes to many things in life and most important of all, I’ve realized my self-worth. I value myself more than anything else in this world and no, I don’t see the point to bowing down against criticism just to be a part of a society. I’ve turned into a woman with principles and my core principle in life is to preserve my dignity.

I fell in the same grave one too many times and if I’m not gonna change today, when will I? How long will I allow someone to step on me? How long am I gonna choose to dance on their rhythm? No! Not anymore. Its okay. Those who value me will eventually stand by me no matter which storm hits.

Don’t get me wrong.. I’m not being arrogant but yes, I’m proud of myself, very proud indeed. I’m proud to be able to survive each day for my days are never easy. I’m proud to have a focused mind in prioritizing my daily errands. I’m proud to be still sitting here despite knowing the facts that had been going at my ass. And yes, I’ll stand up straight and walk through this journey!

Thank you for your challenges God. Thank you for pouring the rain above me always. Thank you for making me a stronger person each day. And by the end of these post, I got my answer.. I shall keep a step back and ignore. And yes, I shall uphold my dignity like a boss! 🙂

Of Friendship And Misunderstandings.. :(

Have you felt that you’ve used the wrong choices of words to advice a friend? Have you felt that things could have been much better if you chose to shut the fuck up instead? Have you felt that sometimes you gotta pretend to suit others need?

If you’ve not, better pray that you wouldn’t cos I felt that in an instant after letting out all I could last night. It was relating to a friend who had been down for the past 4 months and nothing seems to be helping her to rise up. I may have used the wrong choices of words but to be judged and concluded based on what I said with the utmost genuine intentions is extremely hurting.

I’ve tried each and every way I could to make her feel better and realize her self-worth but I couldn’t bear it any longer that led me to just snap and let out everything that I felt all this while. I agree that I may be wrong in my way of approaching but I can’t pretend no longer. I just felt like saying all I want the way I should.

Sometimes I wonder, is it wrong to care? Is it wrong to be ruthless just to get some sense knocked in someone’s head? I didn’t mean to be a bitch, I just want her to get over it already! I know it is her personal life and it is up to her to decide when exactly she wanna feel better but as a friend, I believe that I should be her pillar to support her at her worst. I did all I could for the past months though I was going through the similar emotional turmoil. It was even harder then cos I was tucked in a mess myself and being a pillar for someone when your pillar is practically shattering wasn’t a good idea.

I personally believe that no matter how much you love someone of the opposite sex, never bury down yourself to the ground. Love yourself just as much, in fact more for then you’ll realize what or who is it that you actually deserve. Being treated like a puppet for the name sake of love wouldn’t make you a greater being but weaker over time! Some people are blinded by love while being in a relationship, well.. at least I was.. .. . and in that atmosphere, they just tend to ignore the obvious. Accepted. But .. When you realize that you’ve been treated unacceptably after you’re dumped or when you dump him/her, then why don’t you live by that facts and move on?

If you value yourself and put yourself high enough in your very own life, it’ll capture you that you had been living with someone who didn’t value or respect you for your worth. Never let a man/woman to take advantage of your innocence, silence and shyness for his/her satisfaction. To me, relationship doesn’t work that way. The key to every relationship should be respect. You respect his choice and he shall respect yours. Compromise where you should, especially if it results to uncomfortableness or hurt.

This is all I wanted her to know. I tried relating it to her personal life, her personal stories but she never seemed to get it. I said it in the nicest way ever and the bitchiest way ever.. But I still failed. And I feel I did enough but for a friend, the word ‘enough’ never exists. She may be upset or angry with me now but there’s nothing I could do to make her feel better cos I’m as upset. An apology is all that I could hand over from my side but the fact that she thinks I made her feel disgusted about herself … Sigh! I’m speechless.

Well, I guess I shall just leave her alone and give her some time to think for herself what I really meant out of the conversation yesterday. Even if she decides to take all my words literally and not look at the genuine intentions that were hidden in between those words, I shall let her be. I may not sound like a good friend and I’m not gonna label myself as one either but I know I meant it sincerely.

People, if you’ve got some advise, please do not hesitate to drop me comments. It’ll be very much appreciated.

Thanks! 🙂