She Left Her Cocoon and ..

Hey loves,

Its been some time eh? I’ve been pretty busy managing both work and studies that I hardly have the urge to pen down my thoughts anywhere, besides Twitter. 😉 Follow me to get in touch with my ongoing craps! 😀 Because there’s just too much to say and twitting isn’t sufficient, let me bring you to my thoughts of the day..

After hiding in my cocoon for nearly a year, I’ve evolved into a beautiful butterfly, flying among the flowers, sipping sweet nectar, realizing that not all flowers are freshly blooming as they may seem from a distance. See, my imagination is taking me a little too far.. :p Oh well, its not a bad thing ey.. Sometimes it’s good to let your mind wander.. Haha.

So yeah, I’ve been single for 10 months now, laying low without allowing anyone, except my close friends to invade my territory. In these months, I learned to guard my heart, I learned to evaluate my actions, both right and wrong without anyone pressuring me and change where its necessary, I learned to make decisions on my own, I learned the beauty of being single, I learned to be myself and most importantly, I learned to live WITHOUT a man. And it wasn’t that bad after all. I’m proud to say that I’ve learned the true meaning of independence and I’ve build my own foundation to lead my life. I realize who I am, not absolutely but significantly. 🙂

And finally, when I decide to leave my cocoon, I let myself fly among the flowers, I realize that I could precisely separate the fresh flowers from the not-so-fresh ones! The moment a guy approaches me, through a short conversation, I could certainly predict his intentions. No, I’m not a psychic, neither am I jumping to conclusions, but somethings are just pretty obvious, you don’t have to be a psychic to tell. When a guy says, “What kind of things have you done with your ex?’, “How hot are you?”, “If we’re both in a silent place alone, what would you do me?” and if you play along the lines, he’ll assume that you’re interested to jump on bed with him. And there are also the sweethearts, all they want is to get to know you, they ask you all sorts of questions but they don’t hint anything personal. I love the latter, of course. It’ll definitely makes things pretty comfortable between us.

To be fair, I usually give a benefit of doubt but when I can no longer tolerate, I ignore, completely ignore. And if this person still bugs me, I suppose he’ll see the worst side of me.

Dear boy, guy, man, …

It is evidently not sexy to see a woman as a sex machine. She’s precious as a gem. She have got a heart. She’s a God sent gift on planet earth. Don’t treat her like trash. Its a huge turn off to ask her the type of questions mentioned above. You ‘probably’ meant it at your best interest but any girls, well, most girls will take it the way I did. Yes, please call me ancient if that makes you happy, but I’m a woman with dignity and pride, there’s no way I’m giving myself to anyone whom don’t deserve it. Get it? So pleassseee.. Don’t give me a reason to show my violence. :p

Signing off. 🙂

Of Friendship And Misunderstandings.. :(

Have you felt that you’ve used the wrong choices of words to advice a friend? Have you felt that things could have been much better if you chose to shut the fuck up instead? Have you felt that sometimes you gotta pretend to suit others need?

If you’ve not, better pray that you wouldn’t cos I felt that in an instant after letting out all I could last night. It was relating to a friend who had been down for the past 4 months and nothing seems to be helping her to rise up. I may have used the wrong choices of words but to be judged and concluded based on what I said with the utmost genuine intentions is extremely hurting.

I’ve tried each and every way I could to make her feel better and realize her self-worth but I couldn’t bear it any longer that led me to just snap and let out everything that I felt all this while. I agree that I may be wrong in my way of approaching but I can’t pretend no longer. I just felt like saying all I want the way I should.

Sometimes I wonder, is it wrong to care? Is it wrong to be ruthless just to get some sense knocked in someone’s head? I didn’t mean to be a bitch, I just want her to get over it already! I know it is her personal life and it is up to her to decide when exactly she wanna feel better but as a friend, I believe that I should be her pillar to support her at her worst. I did all I could for the past months though I was going through the similar emotional turmoil. It was even harder then cos I was tucked in a mess myself and being a pillar for someone when your pillar is practically shattering wasn’t a good idea.

I personally believe that no matter how much you love someone of the opposite sex, never bury down yourself to the ground. Love yourself just as much, in fact more for then you’ll realize what or who is it that you actually deserve. Being treated like a puppet for the name sake of love wouldn’t make you a greater being but weaker over time! Some people are blinded by love while being in a relationship, well.. at least I was.. .. . and in that atmosphere, they just tend to ignore the obvious. Accepted. But .. When you realize that you’ve been treated unacceptably after you’re dumped or when you dump him/her, then why don’t you live by that facts and move on?

If you value yourself and put yourself high enough in your very own life, it’ll capture you that you had been living with someone who didn’t value or respect you for your worth. Never let a man/woman to take advantage of your innocence, silence and shyness for his/her satisfaction. To me, relationship doesn’t work that way. The key to every relationship should be respect. You respect his choice and he shall respect yours. Compromise where you should, especially if it results to uncomfortableness or hurt.

This is all I wanted her to know. I tried relating it to her personal life, her personal stories but she never seemed to get it. I said it in the nicest way ever and the bitchiest way ever.. But I still failed. And I feel I did enough but for a friend, the word ‘enough’ never exists. She may be upset or angry with me now but there’s nothing I could do to make her feel better cos I’m as upset. An apology is all that I could hand over from my side but the fact that she thinks I made her feel disgusted about herself … Sigh! I’m speechless.

Well, I guess I shall just leave her alone and give her some time to think for herself what I really meant out of the conversation yesterday. Even if she decides to take all my words literally and not look at the genuine intentions that were hidden in between those words, I shall let her be. I may not sound like a good friend and I’m not gonna label myself as one either but I know I meant it sincerely.

People, if you’ve got some advise, please do not hesitate to drop me comments. It’ll be very much appreciated.

Thanks! 🙂