Haywired

Days went by, months passed, and the sudden urge to vent the heart out again.

Have you ever questioned your place in one’s life? Have you evaluated the way one’s character but before jumping to any conclusion about that someone, deep inside, you’re seeking answers to your questions that only meddles in your mind but you never once dared speaking it out? That’s only because the bitter truth is that you very well know the reality and you already have the answers at the back of your mind but you’re just not ready to accept them cos there’s something stopping you from it…

Sometimes, you grow into living an oblivious life, pretending that nothing bothers you, really. Not everybody can see the pain behind those eyes hence it have always been better to staple a smile over that pretty face so you could walk your pain alone. But again, who are you fooling? You could undeniably deceive the world, but never yourself. 🙂 When you sit alone in the empty darkness, your mind starts thinking and your heart starts feeling and there you go, falling apart, crumbling into pieces.

As time goes by, living a life as such becomes part and parcel of your life. Distinctly, there are days where you’re fully contended wishing it will remain by you forever. But again, life is a passing cloud. There’s nothing permanent.

Please ignore the jumbled thoughts. Haywired.

Mind and Heart – No Chemistry

I smiled through the confusion, laughed through the euphoria, weeped through the agony… I surpassed it all because more than I want to, I had to… life’s an adventure after all. 😄

Time passes, situation turn overs, people changes … but love never fades. I trust that each and every person that comes into your lives comes in it for a reason and there’s no way they’ll depart without leaving a footprint in your heart. ❤

Yes honey, nothing is permanent in this world. People do leave. 🙂 just that some stays longer than expected, not in your lives, but in your heart. 🙂 In fact, some are there forever. 😁

Lately, it has been a pretty challenging to express the mind and heart. I’m always in a dilemma, muddled between thoughts and emotions. Someone once told me that the mind and heart does not latch on to chemistry thus love is painful because though you know it’s disastrous, you can’t keep yourself from feeling it. 😉 and as much as it hurts, you can’t negate the wonderful moments which turns out to be life’s greatest memories. 😀

I’ll miss you. I’ll miss us. Thank you for being a great spot. Thank you for coming into my life and teaching me to endure the worst pain of all. Most importantly, thank you so much for loving me unconditionally. I wished, yes, WISHED – and not wish because I know it’ll never happen in this lifetime – that the situation was a whole lot different. Maybe we would have made it through happily. 🙂

Oh well, …. life goes on. 🙂 keep smiling to curtain the way it sores, pierces, gashes and aches inside. 🙂 🙂

Que Sera, Sera

Gosh! It has been ages! :/ The strange urge of jolting down my wired thoughts, puzzled mind and jumbled feelings FINALLY resided after contemplating for months. Too much have been going on in my plate and to my greatest dismay, blogging had been the final resort. I couldn’t get myself to rant it out here, sadly… but well, I guess one can’t run too far away resorting on a temporary harbor to vent out the sentiments. Thus, here I am, hopefully back for a longer time this time around.

I genuinely missed writing. I did. I believe I should make it a point to spare a little time to write, at least one a week? 🙂 I shall try.

So… What’s up? How’ve you been doing? I hope all’s well. I’m pretty much good too, or at least I assume I am. 🙂 Every day have been a new day for me – creating new opportunities, delivering unique experiences, forming meaningful memories – not forgetting the self-enduring smile and life changing tears. It have been good, innit? 😉

On a side note, did I fall in love? Hahaha! I fell in love every day. 🙂 I shall leave it to your imagination! 😀 And of course with love come tears, tears of contentment and tears of sorrow. Life’s never a predictable journey and love is definitely blind. Situations comes along in the most accidental manner, leaving you dumbfounded – letting time decide the outcome.

Have you ever tried fighting for someone or something so persistently knowing that no matter how hard you struggle, there’s no possible way you can turnaround and claim victory? I did. And of course I lost in my very own battle. 🙂 There’s only so much one can ride out in life. One can’t bear the brunt for too long. I eventually resolved to sit back and acknowledge the truth, the reality and repressing the feelings by soothing myself with my favourite line of all time, “que sera, sera” (whatever will be, will be). 🙂

Don’t worry, I’m still smiling through it all. 🙂 🙂 The agony is discreetly concealed behind the curve that sets everything straight. 🙂 Que sera, sera but I shall carry each and every piece of memory to the end of time. 🙂

Its Colorful WITHOUT You

It had been a pretty rough two weeks for me. My mind was never free from thoughts. Each incident kept haunting the already disturbed mind. Suddenly it feels like it had been ages since the last I was in peace. I can’t put into words the stress, tense and pain I went through for it wouldn’t justify anything.

A week ago, just before I got caught in a huge trouble, I saw him. I met him. And I could see it clearly, I’m definitely somebody he used to know. There was no care or love in his eyes. I can be more than sure that he just do not love me anymore, not the slightest bit. But its okay.. Though it hurt terribly then, its definitely in the process of healing already. He’s giving me more reasons to believe that I made the right choice, I did the right thing by leaving him. For one sole reason, I don’t deserve this, at all.

I’m the type of girl who takes relationships very seriously, let it be family, friends or the love of my life. I can’t stand someone treating me as if I do not possess any degree of dignity. I fall in my life more than once but I realized that after every rain, there is shine. I’ll get up once again, strong! So it just doesn’t matter if its taking forever to heal this time because I believe that it’ll eventually revive.

Juggling between work and studies is tough, so is juggling between the emotions. Sometimes, you just lose control and you have no choice but to break down, tear, cry, scream, … Cos after all, I’m just a normal girl like the rest of you.

Its okay. You may happen to see this. Its okay. You may choose to criticize me further. Its okay. At least I have ranted. Its okay.. Its okay.. I’ve seen the worst of you that whatever else you do wouldn’t cure the broken heart. 🙂 You can keep scarring the wound again and again but the pain is the same. You can’t hurt me more than you already did, my dear.

I wonder what was I thinking while I created the picture below..

Image

But I believe I can’t go wrong. And yes, though life is not as colorful, its unquestionably colorful WITHOUT you. When you left, you took away everything but with the blessings of God, my family and friends, I’m amazed with the way its all replenishing!

God bless~