You Just Gotta Let It Be…

As the loneliness crept in, she wish she had someone to brighten up her soul. She felt she needed someone to rely upon, someone she can vent out her frustrations to, someone who could be there for her at all time.. 😦 And that’s when she realized that she is quite dependent to a certain extend and of course, this wasn’t pleasant for her. She had goals in her life and being attached to this mindset would not help her achieve those dreams.

But she’s a human after all. She can’t hide her feelings. She wants to be belonged to someone special in this cruel world. She wants to feel rejuvenated with the love of that special someone. She miss giving out love, care and attention to that special one.

And no, she’s not desperate. She won’t go around seeking for love. She won’t go around ranting that she wished she have the man of her dreams in her life. She’ll go with the flow. She’ll let time decide. She’ll concentrate on her goals but she’ll also give a space to let her emotions flow. She’ll try to smile always but let her heart cry when it feels like it.

She suppose, that’s life. You just gotta let it be. Everything will fall in place, someday, she hope.

Life Goes On..

She was lying in bed at 2 o’clock in the morning, tossing and turning, trying to catch some sleep after a long exhausting day. Memories of yesterday were flooding through her restless mind. “Again?!” she asked herself. “Go away! I need to rest!” she interjected. It was apparent that she felt uneasy. Tablets of flashbacks began to puzzle her intuition. “Fuck off! Leave me alone!” she yelled silently in her head. She was nearly in tears but the voices in her head were not leaving her alone.

She started to sob. She knew that she was breaking down, once again, during the darkest hours of the night, all alone. Thousands of questions crept through her like the vibes of an acid frenzy. All the horrible bygones began to dawn to her.

A voice in her head said, “What have I done? Was it a mistake? Why do I feel that I should not have taken such a bold step to remove him completely from my life? I miss him!” Tears were streaming down her face like rain gushing off a steep roof.

She knew that she have gone through a lot in life and a break up was indeed petty in comparison to the rest. But of course she can’t deny the fact that the pain pierced through her heart like pricking needles. She hated feeling this way. She hated pretending strong in the daylight but weeping obscurely when the night falls. She wants to smile genuinely. She wants to laugh whole-heartedly. But why does it all seem so difficult? Why does it seem that happiness is no longer in her league anymore?

In tears, she closed her eyes and let the thoughts wander.. “Oh God, in You I believe, in You I surrender. Please give me the strength to endure this heartbreak. I’m sure You know the best for me. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you, Lord. I believe that You’ve got greater plans!” she prayed silently and fall asleep sooner.

And today, when I glance back at those miserable nights, I’m assured that it all happened for a reason. “God will not give you more than you can handle” – A phrase that became a motto of my life. Whenever I think I’m shattering, I hold my guts tight and tell myself, “It is just another phase of life. You’ll get through it. Don’t give up!”

Life goes on.