Mind and Heart – No Chemistry

I smiled through the confusion, laughed through the euphoria, weeped through the agony… I surpassed it all because more than I want to, I had to… life’s an adventure after all. 😄

Time passes, situation turn overs, people changes … but love never fades. I trust that each and every person that comes into your lives comes in it for a reason and there’s no way they’ll depart without leaving a footprint in your heart. ❤

Yes honey, nothing is permanent in this world. People do leave. 🙂 just that some stays longer than expected, not in your lives, but in your heart. 🙂 In fact, some are there forever. 😁

Lately, it has been a pretty challenging to express the mind and heart. I’m always in a dilemma, muddled between thoughts and emotions. Someone once told me that the mind and heart does not latch on to chemistry thus love is painful because though you know it’s disastrous, you can’t keep yourself from feeling it. 😉 and as much as it hurts, you can’t negate the wonderful moments which turns out to be life’s greatest memories. 😀

I’ll miss you. I’ll miss us. Thank you for being a great spot. Thank you for coming into my life and teaching me to endure the worst pain of all. Most importantly, thank you so much for loving me unconditionally. I wished, yes, WISHED – and not wish because I know it’ll never happen in this lifetime – that the situation was a whole lot different. Maybe we would have made it through happily. 🙂

Oh well, …. life goes on. 🙂 keep smiling to curtain the way it sores, pierces, gashes and aches inside. 🙂 🙂

Life Goes On..

She was lying in bed at 2 o’clock in the morning, tossing and turning, trying to catch some sleep after a long exhausting day. Memories of yesterday were flooding through her restless mind. “Again?!” she asked herself. “Go away! I need to rest!” she interjected. It was apparent that she felt uneasy. Tablets of flashbacks began to puzzle her intuition. “Fuck off! Leave me alone!” she yelled silently in her head. She was nearly in tears but the voices in her head were not leaving her alone.

She started to sob. She knew that she was breaking down, once again, during the darkest hours of the night, all alone. Thousands of questions crept through her like the vibes of an acid frenzy. All the horrible bygones began to dawn to her.

A voice in her head said, “What have I done? Was it a mistake? Why do I feel that I should not have taken such a bold step to remove him completely from my life? I miss him!” Tears were streaming down her face like rain gushing off a steep roof.

She knew that she have gone through a lot in life and a break up was indeed petty in comparison to the rest. But of course she can’t deny the fact that the pain pierced through her heart like pricking needles. She hated feeling this way. She hated pretending strong in the daylight but weeping obscurely when the night falls. She wants to smile genuinely. She wants to laugh whole-heartedly. But why does it all seem so difficult? Why does it seem that happiness is no longer in her league anymore?

In tears, she closed her eyes and let the thoughts wander.. “Oh God, in You I believe, in You I surrender. Please give me the strength to endure this heartbreak. I’m sure You know the best for me. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you, Lord. I believe that You’ve got greater plans!” she prayed silently and fall asleep sooner.

And today, when I glance back at those miserable nights, I’m assured that it all happened for a reason. “God will not give you more than you can handle” – A phrase that became a motto of my life. Whenever I think I’m shattering, I hold my guts tight and tell myself, “It is just another phase of life. You’ll get through it. Don’t give up!”

Life goes on.

When Memories Fool The Disturbed Mind..

A very Happy Deepavali/Diwali to those who celebrates.. 🙂 May this festival of lights rejoice you prosperously through the year ahead. God bless. 🙂

I didn’t celebrate at all this year. Family is back in hometown and I miss them to bits! 😦 I usually go to my bestie’s house every single year but her dad passed away recently and she ain’t celebrating this year.. So here am I, all alone, dreading each second that passes by with nothing but memories of yesterday…

I took a bold step before 12 midnight yesterday hoping to feel a whole load better in conjuction with the festival of lights but things seems to be stagnant and I’m feeling a whole load worst! 😦

After listening to that very same voice I used to hear before every night before I go to sleep, the pain in my heart is unbearable. How can someone who was your everything yesterday seem like a stranger to you today? How can every single moment change in a flick of seconds? Sigh. No one have answers to my question, not even God. All I know is that God have planned everything and I’m just living my life according to His rhythm..

I don’t know whether I’m just bluntly silly to believe those words compared to the obvious actions or my heart is just toooo weak to feel nothing but pain.. I wish there was a delete button for my brains and heart, just press that button and every memories goes to recycle bin.. Life would have been so much easier, don’t you think so?

Haizzzz.. I can go on ranting if I choose to but I’m sure it’ll bore the hell outta you. I know I have to put a full stop to all that I’m doin now and as much as I want to, I don’t think it is possible in the nearest time. Its gonna be four months after the break up in a few days and I’m still where I was.. I did a few things to sooth myself but my heart still holds those memories tightly.

Note to self: Sweetheart, learn to let go.. If he comes back as a changed person and treats you well, he is yours.. If he doesn’t, it was definitely not meant to be.. God sent him to your life to learn the necessary. You’ve learnt your lesson and now its time to move on.. Concentrate on your career and future. Leave the past to where it belongs cos its the past after all. Good luck, baby!

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