Que Sera, Sera

Gosh! It has been ages! :/ The strangeΒ urge of jolting down my wired thoughts, puzzled mind and jumbled feelingsΒ FINALLY resided after contemplating for months. Too much have been going on in my plate and to my greatest dismay, blogging had been the final resort. I couldn’t get myself to rant it out here, sadly… but well, I guess one can’t run too far away resorting on a temporary harbor to vent out the sentiments. Thus, here I am, hopefully back for a longer time this time around.

I genuinely missed writing. I did. I believe I should make it a point to spare a little time to write, at least one a week? πŸ™‚ I shall try.

So… What’s up? How’ve you been doing? I hope all’s well. I’m pretty much good too, or at least I assume I am. πŸ™‚ Every day have been a new day for me – creating new opportunities, delivering unique experiences, forming meaningful memories – not forgetting the self-enduring smile and life changing tears. It have been good, innit? πŸ˜‰

On a side note, did I fall in love? Hahaha! I fell in love every day. πŸ™‚ I shall leave it to your imagination! πŸ˜€ And of course with love come tears, tears of contentment and tears of sorrow. Life’s never a predictable journey and love is definitely blind. Situations comes along in the most accidental manner, leaving you dumbfounded – letting time decide the outcome.

Have you ever tried fighting for someone or something so persistently knowing that no matter how hard you struggle, there’s no possible way you can turnaround and claim victory? I did. And of course I lost in my very own battle. πŸ™‚ There’s only so much one can ride out in life. One can’t bear the brunt for too long. I eventually resolved to sit back and acknowledge the truth, the reality and repressing the feelings by soothing myself with my favourite line of all time, “que sera, sera” (whatever will be, will be). πŸ™‚

Don’t worry, I’m still smiling through it all. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ The agony is discreetly concealed behind the curve that sets everything straight. πŸ™‚ Que sera, sera but I shall carry each and every piece of memory to the end of time. πŸ™‚

The Come Back

Ahh.. I just noticed that it has been four freakin months since the last I posted anything on this platform of mine. :/ Gosh, the past four months had been.. ermm.. educating I’d say. As usual, ups and downs, okay, more downs because hurdles never fail to cross my path.

I personally do not think it is a good idea to switch on the throwback mode, mostly because I’ll start reminiscing over shit I don’t wanna relate myself to anymore, ever. The past is to be left where it belongs, I’d rather concentrate on the present and the upcoming future. In fact, even the present is a great deal to be dealt with, kinda confusing in its own ways… Oh well, bravo me, I’ve never learned to stop digging my own grave. Ermm.. Adventurous eh? πŸ˜‰

Okie, scrap that! I’m back in hometown, home sweet home, Miri! πŸ˜€ Missing my youngest buddy (the brother) a little too much because he’s in a land far far away educating himself to be a doctor. May God’s blessings enshines upon him always to fulfill his parents dreams. πŸ™‚ Ohhh, and I’m officially done with my first year in law school, currently struggling my way through the second year. Hmmm…

I’m sure none of the information above benefited you in any way but oh dear, I’ve learned that sharing is caring and most importantly, I shall speak the flame of my heart at this very platform. πŸ˜‰ Ahhh… speaking about the flame of my heart, I guess it has passed way that stage, it’s literally blazing outright now, spreading like a wildfire throughout the universe. (Kindly note the exaggeration :D)

The heart is innocent, nevertheless the strongest. Though it had been ripped, crushed and torn apart a couple of times, it beats just the same. When flourished, it smiles. When bruised, it aches. And at this very point of time, I guess both the mind and heart is at a very confused state. Hmmm… I shall elaborate that further in the next post, not really in the mood right now.

Sorry for the non-beneficial post. I promise to come back with something better the next time! πŸ™‚ I’ve got too much running through my mind today. Sigh. Hope all’s well. πŸ˜€

Its Colorful WITHOUT You

It had been a pretty rough two weeks for me. My mind was never free from thoughts. Each incident kept haunting the already disturbed mind. Suddenly it feels like it had been ages since the last I was in peace. I can’t put into words the stress, tense and pain I went through for it wouldn’t justify anything.

A week ago, just before I got caught in a huge trouble, I saw him. I met him. And I could see it clearly, I’m definitely somebody he used to know. There was no care or love in his eyes. I can be more than sure that he just do not love me anymore, not the slightest bit. But its okay.. Though it hurt terribly then, its definitely in the process of healing already. He’s giving me more reasons to believe that I made the right choice, I did the right thing by leaving him. For one sole reason, I don’t deserve this, at all.

I’m the type of girl who takes relationships very seriously, let it be family, friends or the love of my life. I can’t stand someone treating me as if I do not possess any degree of dignity. I fall in my life more than once but I realized that after every rain, there is shine. I’ll get up once again, strong! So it just doesn’t matter if its taking forever to heal this time because I believe that it’ll eventually revive.

Juggling between work and studies is tough, so is juggling between the emotions. Sometimes, you just lose control and you have no choice but to break down, tear, cry, scream, … Cos after all, I’m just a normal girl like the rest of you.

Its okay. You may happen to see this. Its okay. You may choose to criticize me further. Its okay. At least I have ranted. Its okay.. Its okay.. I’ve seen the worst of you that whatever else you do wouldn’t cure the broken heart. πŸ™‚ You can keep scarring the wound again and again but the pain is the same. You can’t hurt me more than you already did, my dear.

I wonder what was I thinking while I created the picture below..

Image

But I believe I can’t go wrong. And yes, though life is not as colorful, its unquestionably colorful WITHOUT you. When you left, you took away everything but with the blessings of God, my family and friends, I’m amazed with the way its all replenishing!

God bless~