Haywired

Days went by, months passed, and the sudden urge to vent the heart out again.

Have you ever questioned your place in one’s life? Have you evaluated the way one’s character but before jumping to any conclusion about that someone, deep inside, you’re seeking answers to your questions that only meddles in your mind but you never once dared speaking it out? That’s only because the bitter truth is that you very well know the reality and you already have the answers at the back of your mind but you’re just not ready to accept them cos there’s something stopping you from it…

Sometimes, you grow into living an oblivious life, pretending that nothing bothers you, really. Not everybody can see the pain behind those eyes hence it have always been better to staple a smile over that pretty face so you could walk your pain alone. But again, who are you fooling? You could undeniably deceive the world, but never yourself. 🙂 When you sit alone in the empty darkness, your mind starts thinking and your heart starts feeling and there you go, falling apart, crumbling into pieces.

As time goes by, living a life as such becomes part and parcel of your life. Distinctly, there are days where you’re fully contended wishing it will remain by you forever. But again, life is a passing cloud. There’s nothing permanent.

Please ignore the jumbled thoughts. Haywired.

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Fixing The Broken Pieces..

Who was she kidding when she said she was over him? She knew deep in her heart, she wasn’t.. She always tried to assure to herself that she’ve moved a step ahead in life but there were days she failed.. miserably.

She’s still fixing the broken pieces of her heart.. her life. And no one will ever understand that cos she’s good at pretending that everything is fine and dandy. Haha.. Life’s good.

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While she’s still tryna fix the broken pieces, she’s trying her best not to neglect her priorities. Pray for her. She needs all the positive vibes and guardian angels to protect her.. 🙂

God bless.

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Fall Again?

Sometimes, when you believe that you’re finally over somebody.. you believe that even his shadow wouldn’t be able to hurt you, you may be just as wrong. Someday, when the person turns around and say a mere hello, you fall all over again. Its just that this time around, you don’t fall in love, you just literally fall, your heart sinks in unbearable pain. And then you realize, all this while, you was in a state of denial. You thought you was done with him but you wasn’t. You made believe that you was over the heartache but it was just there, hidden beneath your smile.

I’m one person who loves truly and never forget easily. Its been 7 months down the road, I wouldn’t say that I am where I was.. I moved on but only a few steps forward. I keep myself busy to fire away those thoughts but sometimes, I’m just helpless. I’m tired of feeling this way. I said this one too many times but believe me, I’m sincerely saying this, I’M TIRED OF FEELING THIS WAY. I hate acting but lately, that’s what I do the best. Pretend. Now whatever. Go with the flow? 😉

Its Colorful WITHOUT You

It had been a pretty rough two weeks for me. My mind was never free from thoughts. Each incident kept haunting the already disturbed mind. Suddenly it feels like it had been ages since the last I was in peace. I can’t put into words the stress, tense and pain I went through for it wouldn’t justify anything.

A week ago, just before I got caught in a huge trouble, I saw him. I met him. And I could see it clearly, I’m definitely somebody he used to know. There was no care or love in his eyes. I can be more than sure that he just do not love me anymore, not the slightest bit. But its okay.. Though it hurt terribly then, its definitely in the process of healing already. He’s giving me more reasons to believe that I made the right choice, I did the right thing by leaving him. For one sole reason, I don’t deserve this, at all.

I’m the type of girl who takes relationships very seriously, let it be family, friends or the love of my life. I can’t stand someone treating me as if I do not possess any degree of dignity. I fall in my life more than once but I realized that after every rain, there is shine. I’ll get up once again, strong! So it just doesn’t matter if its taking forever to heal this time because I believe that it’ll eventually revive.

Juggling between work and studies is tough, so is juggling between the emotions. Sometimes, you just lose control and you have no choice but to break down, tear, cry, scream, … Cos after all, I’m just a normal girl like the rest of you.

Its okay. You may happen to see this. Its okay. You may choose to criticize me further. Its okay. At least I have ranted. Its okay.. Its okay.. I’ve seen the worst of you that whatever else you do wouldn’t cure the broken heart. 🙂 You can keep scarring the wound again and again but the pain is the same. You can’t hurt me more than you already did, my dear.

I wonder what was I thinking while I created the picture below..

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But I believe I can’t go wrong. And yes, though life is not as colorful, its unquestionably colorful WITHOUT you. When you left, you took away everything but with the blessings of God, my family and friends, I’m amazed with the way its all replenishing!

God bless~

Here Comes The Rants!

Damnnnnn! I hate working! 😦 I don’t wanna go to work tomorrow. Get that?! I fuckin wanna sleep my ass off and wake up whatever time my body decides and just laze around!! But I don’t have a fuckin choice because one, I signed a fuckin contract.. Two, I need money and three, I gotta learn to take up respinsibilities. Screw this shit man!

Now that was a dramatic introduction.. Hahaha! Its a blunder to handle both work and studies at the same time. I’m tryin my best to be as discipline but discipline and me are miles apart. Lol.

Lately, I’ve been in this fuckin emotional turmoil that I can’t reveal even if I choose to. To fall in love feels great but to get out of it kinda sucks the soul outta your body. I probably dug my own hole this time and I gotta bear the consequences. Shoots! Let’s not get into that. Haih!

Yes, whining away wouldn’t help a single bit hence I should just motivate myself, pick up all the broken pieces and move on! 🙂 Work for the experience and money while study to pursue my passion. 😉

Toodles!! 😀

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