Haywired

Days went by, months passed, and the sudden urge to vent the heart out again.

Have you ever questioned your place in one’s life? Have you evaluated the way one’s character but before jumping to any conclusion about that someone, deep inside, you’re seeking answers to your questions that only meddles in your mind but you never once dared speaking it out? That’s only because the bitter truth is that you very well know the reality and you already have the answers at the back of your mind but you’re just not ready to accept them cos there’s something stopping you from it…

Sometimes, you grow into living an oblivious life, pretending that nothing bothers you, really. Not everybody can see the pain behind those eyes hence it have always been better to staple a smile over that pretty face so you could walk your pain alone. But again, who are you fooling? You could undeniably deceive the world, but never yourself. 🙂 When you sit alone in the empty darkness, your mind starts thinking and your heart starts feeling and there you go, falling apart, crumbling into pieces.

As time goes by, living a life as such becomes part and parcel of your life. Distinctly, there are days where you’re fully contended wishing it will remain by you forever. But again, life is a passing cloud. There’s nothing permanent.

Please ignore the jumbled thoughts. Haywired.

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Que Sera, Sera

Gosh! It has been ages! :/ The strange urge of jolting down my wired thoughts, puzzled mind and jumbled feelings FINALLY resided after contemplating for months. Too much have been going on in my plate and to my greatest dismay, blogging had been the final resort. I couldn’t get myself to rant it out here, sadly… but well, I guess one can’t run too far away resorting on a temporary harbor to vent out the sentiments. Thus, here I am, hopefully back for a longer time this time around.

I genuinely missed writing. I did. I believe I should make it a point to spare a little time to write, at least one a week? 🙂 I shall try.

So… What’s up? How’ve you been doing? I hope all’s well. I’m pretty much good too, or at least I assume I am. 🙂 Every day have been a new day for me – creating new opportunities, delivering unique experiences, forming meaningful memories – not forgetting the self-enduring smile and life changing tears. It have been good, innit? 😉

On a side note, did I fall in love? Hahaha! I fell in love every day. 🙂 I shall leave it to your imagination! 😀 And of course with love come tears, tears of contentment and tears of sorrow. Life’s never a predictable journey and love is definitely blind. Situations comes along in the most accidental manner, leaving you dumbfounded – letting time decide the outcome.

Have you ever tried fighting for someone or something so persistently knowing that no matter how hard you struggle, there’s no possible way you can turnaround and claim victory? I did. And of course I lost in my very own battle. 🙂 There’s only so much one can ride out in life. One can’t bear the brunt for too long. I eventually resolved to sit back and acknowledge the truth, the reality and repressing the feelings by soothing myself with my favourite line of all time, “que sera, sera” (whatever will be, will be). 🙂

Don’t worry, I’m still smiling through it all. 🙂 🙂 The agony is discreetly concealed behind the curve that sets everything straight. 🙂 Que sera, sera but I shall carry each and every piece of memory to the end of time. 🙂

The Road Less Traveled

“True love is when you shed a tear and still want him. It’s when he ignores you and you still love him. It’s when he loves another but you still smile and say ‘I’m happy for you’… when all you really want to do is cry.” ~ Anonymous

“I’m okay”, two words that covers the life puzzle like no other. Its the easiest way not to be questioned further because you’re just too exasperated to explain the way you feel about everything. You realize that your life is a maze, indeed a mystifying one. You’re aware that you’ll face a stumbling block no matter which junction you take hence you resolve to go right up ahead and just let it be because you want to be happy now… you want to live for the moment, not for the future… and most importantly, you wanna smile now, genuinely because you’re tired of being overwhelmed with emotions every now and then.

While travelling your road, you may appear to be lonesome but the truth is, you’re not at all lonely. You’ve got the most amazing friends you can rely on at any time, any day and you know for fact that they’ll be there for you. Also, you’ve got your family back at any time you need them and you’ve got God, hence there’s no need for anything else. Oh well, you can’t escape from the oh-so-judgmental human nature. Thus, its best to be ignorant to an extent and continue walking down your the path you’ve chosen because in the end, the journey is yours… you’ve got to live for yourself, not for others. 🙂

Over the years, I’ve traveled my road, I’ve walked my path, I’ve overcome the mountains and here I am, at a crossroad once again. Damn! Didn’t I mention earlier that I’m clearly aware that no matter which junction I take, I know I’d have to overcome a mountain or another. Gosh. Can’t the sun just shine for longer days? Why must it rain so soon?

Silly me, without hesitation, I decided to take the road less traveled, the road that leads to familiar destruction, the road that I walked back from years ago. But I’m not regretting because I’m happy, though not completely, but I am… Yes, I’m very much enlightened with the fact that this is gonna be temporary but why not?.. Life is a risk after all.

The Come Back

Ahh.. I just noticed that it has been four freakin months since the last I posted anything on this platform of mine. :/ Gosh, the past four months had been.. ermm.. educating I’d say. As usual, ups and downs, okay, more downs because hurdles never fail to cross my path.

I personally do not think it is a good idea to switch on the throwback mode, mostly because I’ll start reminiscing over shit I don’t wanna relate myself to anymore, ever. The past is to be left where it belongs, I’d rather concentrate on the present and the upcoming future. In fact, even the present is a great deal to be dealt with, kinda confusing in its own ways… Oh well, bravo me, I’ve never learned to stop digging my own grave. Ermm.. Adventurous eh? 😉

Okie, scrap that! I’m back in hometown, home sweet home, Miri! 😀 Missing my youngest buddy (the brother) a little too much because he’s in a land far far away educating himself to be a doctor. May God’s blessings enshines upon him always to fulfill his parents dreams. 🙂 Ohhh, and I’m officially done with my first year in law school, currently struggling my way through the second year. Hmmm…

I’m sure none of the information above benefited you in any way but oh dear, I’ve learned that sharing is caring and most importantly, I shall speak the flame of my heart at this very platform. 😉 Ahhh… speaking about the flame of my heart, I guess it has passed way that stage, it’s literally blazing outright now, spreading like a wildfire throughout the universe. (Kindly note the exaggeration :D)

The heart is innocent, nevertheless the strongest. Though it had been ripped, crushed and torn apart a couple of times, it beats just the same. When flourished, it smiles. When bruised, it aches. And at this very point of time, I guess both the mind and heart is at a very confused state. Hmmm… I shall elaborate that further in the next post, not really in the mood right now.

Sorry for the non-beneficial post. I promise to come back with something better the next time! 🙂 I’ve got too much running through my mind today. Sigh. Hope all’s well. 😀

Fall Again?

Sometimes, when you believe that you’re finally over somebody.. you believe that even his shadow wouldn’t be able to hurt you, you may be just as wrong. Someday, when the person turns around and say a mere hello, you fall all over again. Its just that this time around, you don’t fall in love, you just literally fall, your heart sinks in unbearable pain. And then you realize, all this while, you was in a state of denial. You thought you was done with him but you wasn’t. You made believe that you was over the heartache but it was just there, hidden beneath your smile.

I’m one person who loves truly and never forget easily. Its been 7 months down the road, I wouldn’t say that I am where I was.. I moved on but only a few steps forward. I keep myself busy to fire away those thoughts but sometimes, I’m just helpless. I’m tired of feeling this way. I said this one too many times but believe me, I’m sincerely saying this, I’M TIRED OF FEELING THIS WAY. I hate acting but lately, that’s what I do the best. Pretend. Now whatever. Go with the flow? 😉