The Come Back

Ahh.. I just noticed that it has been four freakin months since the last I posted anything on this platform of mine. :/ Gosh, the past four months had been.. ermm.. educating I’d say. As usual, ups and downs, okay, more downs because hurdles never fail to cross my path.

I personally do not think it is a good idea to switch on the throwback mode, mostly because I’ll start reminiscing over shit I don’t wanna relate myself to anymore, ever. The past is to be left where it belongs, I’d rather concentrate on the present and the upcoming future. In fact, even the present is a great deal to be dealt with, kinda confusing in its own ways… Oh well, bravo me, I’ve never learned to stop digging my own grave. Ermm.. Adventurous eh? πŸ˜‰

Okie, scrap that! I’m back in hometown, home sweet home, Miri! πŸ˜€ Missing my youngest buddy (the brother) a little too much because he’s in a land far far away educating himself to be a doctor. May God’s blessings enshines upon him always to fulfill his parents dreams. πŸ™‚ Ohhh, and I’m officially done with my first year in law school, currently struggling my way through the second year. Hmmm…

I’m sure none of the information above benefited you in any way but oh dear, I’ve learned that sharing is caring and most importantly, I shall speak the flame of my heart at this very platform. πŸ˜‰ Ahhh… speaking about the flame of my heart, I guess it has passed way that stage, it’s literally blazing outright now, spreading like a wildfire throughout the universe. (Kindly note the exaggeration :D)

The heart is innocent, nevertheless the strongest. Though it had been ripped, crushed and torn apart a couple of times, it beats just the same. When flourished, it smiles. When bruised, it aches. And at this very point of time, I guess both the mind and heart is at a very confused state. Hmmm… I shall elaborate that further in the next post, not really in the mood right now.

Sorry for the non-beneficial post. I promise to come back with something better the next time! πŸ™‚ I’ve got too much running through my mind today. Sigh. Hope all’s well. πŸ˜€

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She Left Her Cocoon and ..

Hey loves,

Its been some time eh? I’ve been pretty busy managing both work and studies that I hardly have the urge to pen down my thoughts anywhere, besides Twitter. πŸ˜‰ Follow me to get in touch with my ongoing craps! πŸ˜€ Because there’s just too much to say and twitting isn’t sufficient, let me bring you to my thoughts of the day..

After hiding in my cocoon for nearly a year, I’ve evolved into a beautiful butterfly, flying among the flowers, sipping sweet nectar, realizing that not all flowers are freshly blooming as they may seem from a distance. See, my imagination is taking me a little too far.. :p Oh well, its not a bad thing ey.. Sometimes it’s good to let your mind wander.. Haha.

So yeah, I’ve been single for 10 months now, laying low without allowing anyone, except my close friends to invade my territory. In these months, I learned to guard my heart, I learned to evaluate my actions, both right and wrong without anyone pressuring me and change where its necessary, I learned to make decisions on my own, I learned the beauty of being single, I learned to be myself and most importantly, I learned to live WITHOUT a man. And it wasn’t that bad after all. I’m proud to say that I’ve learned the true meaning of independence and I’ve build my own foundation to lead my life. I realize who I am, not absolutely but significantly. πŸ™‚

And finally, when I decide to leave my cocoon, I let myself fly among the flowers, I realize that I could precisely separate the fresh flowers from the not-so-fresh ones! The moment a guy approaches me, through a short conversation, I could certainly predict his intentions. No, I’m not a psychic, neither am I jumping to conclusions, but somethings are just pretty obvious, you don’t have to be a psychic to tell. When a guy says, “What kind of things have you done with your ex?’, “How hot are you?”, “If we’re both in a silent place alone, what would you do me?” and if you play along the lines, he’ll assume that you’re interested to jump on bed with him. And there are also the sweethearts, all they want is to get to know you, they ask you all sorts of questions but they don’t hint anything personal. I love the latter, of course. It’ll definitely makes things pretty comfortable between us.

To be fair, I usually give a benefit of doubt but when I can no longer tolerate, I ignore, completely ignore. And if this person still bugs me, I suppose he’ll see the worst side of me.

Dear boy, guy, man, …

It is evidently not sexy to see a woman as a sex machine. She’s precious as a gem. She have got a heart. She’s a God sent gift on planet earth. Don’t treat her like trash. Its a huge turn off to ask her the type of questions mentioned above. You ‘probably’ meant it at your best interest but any girls, well, most girls will take it the way I did. Yes, please call me ancient if that makes you happy, but I’m a woman with dignity and pride, there’s no way I’m giving myself to anyone whom don’t deserve it. Get it? So pleassseee.. Don’t give me a reason to show my violence. :p

Signing off. πŸ™‚

The Best Years :)

I just realized that my life is poles apart from a few years ago. I was looking through the pictures in my phone and I realized that life has changed drastically after I started working. The pictures were not as exciting anymore and it made me feel old, and lifeless. πŸ™‚

I miss my university lifestyle. 5 exciting years of assignments, books, lectures, friends, and most importantly, FUN! Similar to everything else in life, there were loads of ups and downs the entire years but today, sitting here all alone, I’m only reminiscing through the beautiful memories and laughing at what seemed like the end of the world back then.

Life was good then, honestly. I could choose to drink and party all night long and skip class the next morning, push assignments to the very last minute and have uncountable sleepless nights just to complete them before the due date, sleep like there’s no tomorrow without worrying a single bit, lunch with friends till its tea time, movies, dramas, and the list continues. Gosh! I miss them all.

When they say that money can buy everything, they were absolutely wrong. This is something money can’t buy, ever! And there’s nothing I can do to turn back time and relive those moments again. These will be the memories I’ll cherish till the end of time. It’ll preserve in this small part of my brains as a story to be told someday.

Now, back to reality! I shall make the best out of my life and live every moment like there’s no tomorrow. It’s time to get out of the comfort zone and understand the real meaning of hardship. It’s time to build the future! πŸ™‚

Somethings Are Better Left Unsaid..

Have you came across a situation where you have loads of things crossing your mind and heart but you can’t seem to put it in words and burst it out loud?

I have. I’m feeling it at this very moment. I have no idea how to form my unspoken thoughts to words.. It’s more difficult than algebra.

I didn’t know love will cause this much pain. Memories flood my mind almost every day.. And I’m wondering, how could he forget me totally? How come I don’t matter anymore?

Not to brag, but I had been there for all good and bad times in his life as long as I was there.. When his friends left his side, I was there. When his precious instrument was confiscated, I was there. When he had no place to stay, I was there. When he was facing challenges with his studies, I was there… In the end, I’m still there but he’d found a better life.

I don’t understand the concept of life and love. I feel like Humpty Dumpty with a twist in my story. I was sitting on a wall called love and I had a great fall.. 😦 This time around, I find it really tough to get back to where I was sitting hence I’m opting for another wall called life.. Concentrate on myself, family, friends and God. If I’m gonna fall from this wall as well, I don’t think I’d have the courage to look for another wall.

Oh God, you’ve taken the word love out of my life.. Please don’t take the rest. I’m contended with what I have eventhough he once said that I’m not..

Smiling in sorrow has became a routine. Showing joy on the outside while my heart cries inside has became a habit. I wanna get outta this shithole. Seriously.

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Of Rants And The Amazing Weekend! :D

Its raining almost everyday but as much as I love the cold chilly weather, the rain kinda messes things up. Pffttt!

Now, I don’t know why am I here without any inspiration. I feel like writing but I have no fuckin idea of the topic. Sighhhssss! :/ Why oh why? Why me? Aite, I shall just rant whatever that crosses my mind and pleasseee forgive me if it bores the hell outta you.

Its 6.30pm and the office is half empty already. I wish I could leave too.. 😦 I don’t feel like heading home but I wouldn’t mind hanging out somewhere just to chill. But.. but… chilling means eating and eating means fat. :/ I’m on a one meal a day diet just so you know. Haha! I feel fat, I swear. People around me are like, you shouldn’t be dieting, you’ve got a nice body, size 0 isn’t sexy and whatsoever but it doesn’t deters me a single bit cos I know I’m fat. 😦 Well, not really really fat but chubby and I don’t like the chubby-ness. Hehe.

But I’m also hungry. My stomach is calling for a good meal. What shall I do? 😦 If I don’t eat tonight, I’ll have to wait for lunch tomorrow to eat a proper meal. :/ I hate temptations. I hope I’ll be able to control them. *fingers crossed*

Since I’m done ranting about my weight, I guess I shall say something a little more interesting.. Okay, I had a splendid weekend with my bestie. πŸ™‚ She invited me for Carlsberg Deepavali dinner at Shah Alam. It was a good night with free flow beers on the table. Haha. πŸ˜€ Her bro in law is working in Carlsberg Malaysia, heaven! Haha. I shall take a picture of my Carlsberg collections and post it up pretty soon. No beer cans, sorry but I have plenty goodies.

Back to my dinner story, it was a good night with good food. I was there with Geetha, Bhavani (her sis), her brother and of course, the bro-in-law, Joshua! While everyone was busy queuing up and digging for food at the buffet table, Geetha and I was busy drinking our freshly drafted Carlsberg. Haha! πŸ˜€ And Joshua had to spoil our magical moments. 😦 He called us up the stage for some game session. :/ And thanks to our two mugs of beer, I rocked the stage. πŸ˜‰

There were 5 people in one group, of course Geetha and I was separated. We then had to perform according to the music beat, each picking up a roll of a drummer, a pianist, a dancer, a guitarist and a singer. Since every other member of my group decided to opt out for the lame ones :p, I decided to be a dancer. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ Hehehehehehe! Of course I was praying hard for a good song. πŸ˜‰ Thank God they played Party Rock Anthem and I seriously have no idea what got into me but I danced like there was no tomorrow and to my surprise, everyone was screaming their lungs out. Most likely because they were drunk.. Hehe! This was once in a lifetime experience only God knows why I didn’t suffered from stage fright. So proud of myself baby! ❀

Andddddddd…. WE WON a set of speakers! πŸ˜€ You have no idea what I had to endure after that game session. All these guys were disturbing me, some insisted me to dance with them, and thanks to Joshua again, they knew my name. Pfft. I wasn’t a tad bit worried cos Joshua’s colleagues were keeping an eye on us and we knew that we were secured in his accompany. I had a great deal of fun that night. A moment with the bestie that can’t be replaced with anything on earth, ever!

Oh! Let me give you a hint on how to be popular within a night.. JUST ACT STUPID on the stage in front hundreds of people and you’re sure to gain attention. Haha! πŸ˜€ That’s what I did and it worked. LOL. And before anyone gets the idea to screw me up over this sentence, NO! I didn’t go up the stage purposely for FAME! It was all accidental hence I’ll call it the “ACCIDENTAL FAME”. LOL.

Aite then, I’m done! Times up! Outta office now.. See you. πŸ™‚