Fact 4 of 60

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I’m ordinarily a thinker, hence I think about almost anything and everything on a daily basis. All it takes is one trigger factor, and there you go, my mind will do what it does best, think.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot about life in general. Why are we here? I agree, to be a healthy living soul on this planet by itself is Gods greatest gift. But what is our purpose to be here when we are tied by societal norms? Ask any individual, there’s so much they would want to do with their lives but there’s only so much they can do. And yes, we’re suppose to be thankful and appreciate the way we live our lives because that’s the way it was destined for us. But what if the only obstacle that’s in my way to live the life I’d love is a thin thread of absurd principles set by my parents supporting ludicrous social norms? You’re encircled in this peculiarity if you often hear your parents objecting your desires with a simple sentence or two, “No, you can’t be doing this/that because it is not practical to us. What will the relatives say? What will people say? Please don’t tarnish our dignity by executing your thoughts.” And there you go, you know nothing’s ever gonna convince them thus all you can do is sit in one corner and cry your lungs out for not getting the support or permission you desiderate, throw tantrums for a day or two to vent out your frustrations, question why is life unfair to you, and then you’ve got no choice but to move on with life. 🙂

I’m uncertain if the above applies to people from all heritage, but I’m more than assertive that it occurs to most females from an Asian Indian background. Life can’t get more conservative than it already is, trust me on this one. Cmon society, just because we are brown and born with boobs and vagina instead of a penis, do we have to be tied with a set of uptight principles? Are our lives all about growing up with restrictions from the parents, getting educated (that’s if you’re lucky), getting married before we hit the big 30 (otherwise you’ll be deemed old or maybe infertile), taking care of the husband and in laws needs, giving birth to children (really conservative in laws will demand for a boy), raise the child, grow old and say goodbye…?

I personally want to achieve more than this! I want to travel the world, I want to experience adventurous bungee jumping, skydiving, diving, etc., I want to live with the poor and experience their lifestyle, … there’s so much I want to do to test my boundaries and venture far beyond my capabilities. After all, sky’s the limit. 🙂

On that account, I’ve finally decided that my first step will be to take up swimming classes meanwhile I’m unemployed. Secondly, I’m more than determined to look for a job in whatever field possible just to be able to live independently and most importantly, gain experience and knowledge. I’m aware that I’m not capable to break the framework that have been set for generations, but I’m willing to take the baby steps to be the best for myself. I’m sick of the restrictions, I’m suffocated by the restraints, I want to do what my heart desires but my hands are tied, hence I can only do the best possible for myself within the wreathe of vague customs and traditions. However, I trust that my rise today will set me free someday.

Wow! That’s a lengthy one for a question with six words. 😉 Toodles!

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Fact 2 of 60

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At this very point of time, I’d love to meet him whom completes me but well… If at all I’m given an opportunity to meet someONE, it’ll be God.

I need Him to help me answer my whys… We always soothe ourselves by saying that God have got His plans that’s why this or that is happening the way it is… But my question is why? Why this way and not that? Why me? Why now? Why? Why? Why?

I need answers for some extreme things You put me through God. The things that tears me apart, ripping my soul and leaving me feeling so lifeless. Why do You do that? 👿 Of course You know that I’m able to handle it, that’s why You allow those hurdles to cross my way… but still, why storm after storm? 😥 Give me some sunshine and answer me why…

Sometimes, the things You put me through is mind boggling. They make no sense. Illogical. 😦

People spend their whole lives waiting for answers, so will I. Maybe, just maybe, I should stop questioning You and have some faith instead. But again, I’m just another human like the rest.

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The Road Less Traveled

“True love is when you shed a tear and still want him. It’s when he ignores you and you still love him. It’s when he loves another but you still smile and say ‘I’m happy for you’… when all you really want to do is cry.” ~ Anonymous

“I’m okay”, two words that covers the life puzzle like no other. Its the easiest way not to be questioned further because you’re just too exasperated to explain the way you feel about everything. You realize that your life is a maze, indeed a mystifying one. You’re aware that you’ll face a stumbling block no matter which junction you take hence you resolve to go right up ahead and just let it be because you want to be happy now… you want to live for the moment, not for the future… and most importantly, you wanna smile now, genuinely because you’re tired of being overwhelmed with emotions every now and then.

While travelling your road, you may appear to be lonesome but the truth is, you’re not at all lonely. You’ve got the most amazing friends you can rely on at any time, any day and you know for fact that they’ll be there for you. Also, you’ve got your family back at any time you need them and you’ve got God, hence there’s no need for anything else. Oh well, you can’t escape from the oh-so-judgmental human nature. Thus, its best to be ignorant to an extent and continue walking down your the path you’ve chosen because in the end, the journey is yours… you’ve got to live for yourself, not for others. 🙂

Over the years, I’ve traveled my road, I’ve walked my path, I’ve overcome the mountains and here I am, at a crossroad once again. Damn! Didn’t I mention earlier that I’m clearly aware that no matter which junction I take, I know I’d have to overcome a mountain or another. Gosh. Can’t the sun just shine for longer days? Why must it rain so soon?

Silly me, without hesitation, I decided to take the road less traveled, the road that leads to familiar destruction, the road that I walked back from years ago. But I’m not regretting because I’m happy, though not completely, but I am… Yes, I’m very much enlightened with the fact that this is gonna be temporary but why not?.. Life is a risk after all.

Isolated.

The title itself explains my feelings at this very moment. I feel isolated.

For once, I haven’t got a clue to what’s important.. To get my dignity stepped on or to keep a step back from people? I’ve realized too many instances of my surroundings bitching behind my back. I wish I could bark to their faces and tell them to do it secretly but if they’re really doing it to offend me, they can always say it directly to my face.

I literally lose my patience today and I couldn’t help from being vomiting my heart out. Enough of pointing those fingers at me, you’re not perfect either. I honestly do NOT understand the logic of the hierarchy system. If one is rich, famous or merely holding a higher position at a workplace, get your head straight and treat others just the way you want to be treated. You have no rights to intimidate them just because you feel that your bank balance worth more than theirs!

Due to the issues that got obvious to my eyes, I chose to keep a step back from these people. What’s the point being close when there’s no sincerity?

I was a stage of life when I gave great importance to feel belonged in a particular place or environment, even if that meant lowering myself to the ground. But I’ve grown ever since. I’ve opened my eyes to many things in life and most important of all, I’ve realized my self-worth. I value myself more than anything else in this world and no, I don’t see the point to bowing down against criticism just to be a part of a society. I’ve turned into a woman with principles and my core principle in life is to preserve my dignity.

I fell in the same grave one too many times and if I’m not gonna change today, when will I? How long will I allow someone to step on me? How long am I gonna choose to dance on their rhythm? No! Not anymore. Its okay. Those who value me will eventually stand by me no matter which storm hits.

Don’t get me wrong.. I’m not being arrogant but yes, I’m proud of myself, very proud indeed. I’m proud to be able to survive each day for my days are never easy. I’m proud to have a focused mind in prioritizing my daily errands. I’m proud to be still sitting here despite knowing the facts that had been going at my ass. And yes, I’ll stand up straight and walk through this journey!

Thank you for your challenges God. Thank you for pouring the rain above me always. Thank you for making me a stronger person each day. And by the end of these post, I got my answer.. I shall keep a step back and ignore. And yes, I shall uphold my dignity like a boss! 🙂

To Believe or To Stay Calm?

When we say ‘Everything happens for a reason..’ or ‘This happened because God was helping you from falling into a bigger mishap..’, do we really believe in those statements or do we merely say it to calm ourselves down? Bundle of shit had been pouring my way lately and after repeating both those statements numerous times, I’m starting to feel that its pure nuisance. I’m only saying it to feel better, well, not that there are other ways to calm the fuck down!

Sometimes, its easy to say, “Let’s just leave it in the hands of God, He’ll sort it out for us..” but how do one actually prove it that they are relying on that sentence wholly? You can’t help the panic or grieve when you’re in trouble or pain. You still cry, or whine, or react to a particular matter despite repeating the sentences in your head. We’re humans after all and there’s nothing in particular we can do but to surrender to someone. And sometimes, talking to an imaginary friend is better than talking to someone real because you prefer to hear your conscience rather than someone’s advise.

Whatever said and done, my humble request to God is that, if You’re really doing it for a reason, show me the reason! Stop playing hide and seek already. Give me a clue at least. Stop keeping me in the dark cos you know me well, I’m the type who wants to know it all! 😉