Que Sera, Sera

Gosh! It has been ages! :/ The strangeΒ urge of jolting down my wired thoughts, puzzled mind and jumbled feelingsΒ FINALLY resided after contemplating for months. Too much have been going on in my plate and to my greatest dismay, blogging had been the final resort. I couldn’t get myself to rant it out here, sadly… but well, I guess one can’t run too far away resorting on a temporary harbor to vent out the sentiments. Thus, here I am, hopefully back for a longer time this time around.

I genuinely missed writing. I did. I believe I should make it a point to spare a little time to write, at least one a week? πŸ™‚ I shall try.

So… What’s up? How’ve you been doing? I hope all’s well. I’m pretty much good too, or at least I assume I am. πŸ™‚ Every day have been a new day for me – creating new opportunities, delivering unique experiences, forming meaningful memories – not forgetting the self-enduring smile and life changing tears. It have been good, innit? πŸ˜‰

On a side note, did I fall in love? Hahaha! I fell in love every day. πŸ™‚ I shall leave it to your imagination! πŸ˜€ And of course with love come tears, tears of contentment and tears of sorrow. Life’s never a predictable journey and love is definitely blind. Situations comes along in the most accidental manner, leaving you dumbfounded – letting time decide the outcome.

Have you ever tried fighting for someone or something so persistently knowing that no matter how hard you struggle, there’s no possible way you can turnaround and claim victory? I did. And of course I lost in my very own battle. πŸ™‚ There’s only so much one can ride out in life. One can’t bear the brunt for too long. I eventually resolved to sit back and acknowledge the truth, the reality and repressing the feelings by soothing myself with my favourite line of all time, “que sera, sera” (whatever will be, will be). πŸ™‚

Don’t worry, I’m still smiling through it all. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ The agony is discreetly concealed behind the curve that sets everything straight. πŸ™‚ Que sera, sera but I shall carry each and every piece of memory to the end of time. πŸ™‚

The Road Less Traveled

“True love is when you shed a tear and still want him. It’s when he ignores you and you still love him. It’s when he loves another but you still smile and say ‘I’m happy for you’… when all you really want to do is cry.” ~ Anonymous

“I’m okay”, two words that covers the life puzzle like no other. Its the easiest way not to be questioned further because you’re just too exasperated to explain the way you feel about everything. You realize that your life is a maze, indeed a mystifying one. You’re aware that you’ll face a stumbling block no matter which junction you take hence you resolve to go right up ahead and just let it be because you want to be happy now… you want to live for the moment, not for the future… and most importantly, you wanna smile now, genuinely because you’re tired of being overwhelmed with emotions every now and then.

While travelling your road, you may appear to be lonesome but the truth is, you’re not at all lonely. You’ve got the most amazing friends you can rely on at any time, any day and you know for fact that they’ll be there for you. Also, you’ve got your family back at any time you need them and you’ve got God, hence there’s no need for anything else. Oh well, you can’t escape from the oh-so-judgmental human nature. Thus, its best to be ignorant to an extent and continue walking down your the path you’ve chosen because in the end, the journey is yours… you’ve got to live for yourself, not for others. πŸ™‚

Over the years, I’ve traveled my road, I’ve walked my path, I’ve overcome the mountains and here I am, at a crossroad once again. Damn! Didn’t I mention earlier that I’m clearly aware that no matter which junction I take, I know I’d have to overcome a mountain or another. Gosh. Can’t the sun just shine for longer days? Why must it rain so soon?

Silly me, without hesitation, I decided to take the road less traveled, the road that leads to familiar destruction, the road that I walked back from years ago. But I’m not regretting because I’m happy, though not completely, but I am… Yes, I’m very much enlightened with the fact that this is gonna be temporary but why not?.. Life is a risk after all.

The Come Back

Ahh.. I just noticed that it has been four freakin months since the last I posted anything on this platform of mine. :/ Gosh, the past four months had been.. ermm.. educating I’d say. As usual, ups and downs, okay, more downs because hurdles never fail to cross my path.

I personally do not think it is a good idea to switch on the throwback mode, mostly because I’ll start reminiscing over shit I don’t wanna relate myself to anymore, ever. The past is to be left where it belongs, I’d rather concentrate on the present and the upcoming future. In fact, even the present is a great deal to be dealt with, kinda confusing in its own ways… Oh well, bravo me, I’ve never learned to stop digging my own grave. Ermm.. Adventurous eh? πŸ˜‰

Okie, scrap that! I’m back in hometown, home sweet home, Miri! πŸ˜€ Missing my youngest buddy (the brother) a little too much because he’s in a land far far away educating himself to be a doctor. May God’s blessings enshines upon him always to fulfill his parents dreams. πŸ™‚ Ohhh, and I’m officially done with my first year in law school, currently struggling my way through the second year. Hmmm…

I’m sure none of the information above benefited you in any way but oh dear, I’ve learned that sharing is caring and most importantly, I shall speak the flame of my heart at this very platform. πŸ˜‰ Ahhh… speaking about the flame of my heart, I guess it has passed way that stage, it’s literally blazing outright now, spreading like a wildfire throughout the universe. (Kindly note the exaggeration :D)

The heart is innocent, nevertheless the strongest. Though it had been ripped, crushed and torn apart a couple of times, it beats just the same. When flourished, it smiles. When bruised, it aches. And at this very point of time, I guess both the mind and heart is at a very confused state. Hmmm… I shall elaborate that further in the next post, not really in the mood right now.

Sorry for the non-beneficial post. I promise to come back with something better the next time! πŸ™‚ I’ve got too much running through my mind today. Sigh. Hope all’s well. πŸ˜€

Why Law?

The head is spinning. The eyes is straining. The body is aching. Would you agree with me if I tell you that assignments are killing? :p

Sometimes, I really wonder, what on earth was I thinking when I took up law? Did I take it up out of passion, or did I do it to fulfill my dad’s dream or was to prove them who said I was not capable of doing it wrong? Yes, I’m a reader but I can’t read textbooks consisting 1000 pages on facts! :/

Just a brief introduction, I’ve completed my first degree in B.A. Mass Communications majoring in Marketing Communication. I’m yet to officially graduate as my former dumb ass college decided to delay the convocation this year but yeah, I’m sorta done! And without giving myself a break, I took up law as a second degree almost immediately. I was afraid that I’ll lose the umpphh of studying if I procrastinate any longer.

But today, I’m thinking, was it a hasty decision after all?

I had too much confidence in myself that I’ll be able to manage it all.. Both work and studies and the same time but of course I was ABSOLUTELY wrong! After barely two months, I decided to give up with work and concentrate on my studies wholly.But what does this proves? I rather sacrifice my career in a multinational company for a LLB in hand?

Honestly, I have no castles build in the air for my future.. I’m just living life with the flow and gathering strength each and every day to get through any challenges that gets in my way. I’ve always wanted to stay away from everyone in my very own space and completing my final year in UK will definitely turn the wishes to reality!

I suppose there’s no point to find out the reasons of me taking up law because as much as I know about myself, the passion is within me. I’m the type who always wanna know it all and what else would be better to have the law at your fingertips over the years? πŸ˜‰

Determination is the key to success. No point looking back and reminiscing the decision taken, just gotta be determined to complete another challenge in life. πŸ™‚ LLB, here I come!

Back to assignment ey.. πŸ˜€

When Memories Fool The Disturbed Mind..

A very Happy Deepavali/Diwali to those who celebrates.. πŸ™‚ May this festival of lights rejoice you prosperously through the year ahead. God bless. πŸ™‚

I didn’t celebrate at all this year. Family is back in hometown and I miss them to bits! 😦 I usually go to my bestie’s house every single year but her dad passed away recently and she ain’t celebrating this year.. So here am I, all alone, dreading each second that passes by with nothing but memories of yesterday…

I took a bold step before 12 midnight yesterday hoping to feel a whole load better in conjuction with the festival of lights but things seems to be stagnant and I’m feeling a whole load worst! 😦

After listening to that very same voice I used to hear before every night before I go to sleep, the pain in my heart is unbearable. How can someone who was your everything yesterday seem like a stranger to you today? How can every single moment change in a flick of seconds? Sigh. No one have answers to my question, not even God. All I know is that God have planned everything and I’m just living my life according to His rhythm..

I don’t know whether I’m just bluntly silly to believe those words compared to the obvious actions or my heart is just toooo weak to feel nothing but pain.. I wish there was a delete button for my brains and heart, just press that button and every memories goes to recycle bin.. Life would have been so much easier, don’t you think so?

Haizzzz.. I can go on ranting if I choose to but I’m sure it’ll bore the hell outta you. I know I have to put a full stop to all that I’m doin now and as much as I want to, I don’t think it is possible in the nearest time. Its gonna be four months after the break up in a few days and I’m still where I was.. I did a few things to sooth myself but my heart still holds those memories tightly.

Note to self: Sweetheart, learn to let go.. If he comes back as a changed person and treats you well, he is yours.. If he doesn’t, it was definitely not meant to be.. God sent him to your life to learn the necessary. You’ve learnt your lesson and now its time to move on.. Concentrate on your career and future. Leave the past to where it belongs cos its the past after all. Good luck, baby!

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