Fact 4 of 60

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I’m ordinarily a thinker, hence I think about almost anything and everything on a daily basis. All it takes is one trigger factor, and there you go, my mind will do what it does best, think.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot about life in general. Why are we here? I agree, to be a healthy living soul on this planet by itself is Gods greatest gift. But what is our purpose to be here when we are tied by societal norms? Ask any individual, there’s so much they would want to do with their lives but there’s only so much they can do. And yes, we’re suppose to be thankful and appreciate the way we live our lives because that’s the way it was destined for us. But what if the only obstacle that’s in my way to live the life I’d love is a thin thread of absurd principles set by my parents supporting ludicrous social norms? You’re encircled in this peculiarity if you often hear your parents objecting your desires with a simple sentence or two, “No, you can’t be doing this/that because it is not practical to us. What will the relatives say? What will people say? Please don’t tarnish our dignity by executing your thoughts.” And there you go, you know nothing’s ever gonna convince them thus all you can do is sit in one corner and cry your lungs out for not getting the support or permission you desiderate, throw tantrums for a day or two to vent out your frustrations, question why is life unfair to you, and then you’ve got no choice but to move on with life. 🙂

I’m uncertain if the above applies to people from all heritage, but I’m more than assertive that it occurs to most females from an Asian Indian background. Life can’t get more conservative than it already is, trust me on this one. Cmon society, just because we are brown and born with boobs and vagina instead of a penis, do we have to be tied with a set of uptight principles? Are our lives all about growing up with restrictions from the parents, getting educated (that’s if you’re lucky), getting married before we hit the big 30 (otherwise you’ll be deemed old or maybe infertile), taking care of the husband and in laws needs, giving birth to children (really conservative in laws will demand for a boy), raise the child, grow old and say goodbye…?

I personally want to achieve more than this! I want to travel the world, I want to experience adventurous bungee jumping, skydiving, diving, etc., I want to live with the poor and experience their lifestyle, … there’s so much I want to do to test my boundaries and venture far beyond my capabilities. After all, sky’s the limit. 🙂

On that account, I’ve finally decided that my first step will be to take up swimming classes meanwhile I’m unemployed. Secondly, I’m more than determined to look for a job in whatever field possible just to be able to live independently and most importantly, gain experience and knowledge. I’m aware that I’m not capable to break the framework that have been set for generations, but I’m willing to take the baby steps to be the best for myself. I’m sick of the restrictions, I’m suffocated by the restraints, I want to do what my heart desires but my hands are tied, hence I can only do the best possible for myself within the wreathe of vague customs and traditions. However, I trust that my rise today will set me free someday.

Wow! That’s a lengthy one for a question with six words. 😉 Toodles!

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Que Sera, Sera

Gosh! It has been ages! :/ The strange urge of jolting down my wired thoughts, puzzled mind and jumbled feelings FINALLY resided after contemplating for months. Too much have been going on in my plate and to my greatest dismay, blogging had been the final resort. I couldn’t get myself to rant it out here, sadly… but well, I guess one can’t run too far away resorting on a temporary harbor to vent out the sentiments. Thus, here I am, hopefully back for a longer time this time around.

I genuinely missed writing. I did. I believe I should make it a point to spare a little time to write, at least one a week? 🙂 I shall try.

So… What’s up? How’ve you been doing? I hope all’s well. I’m pretty much good too, or at least I assume I am. 🙂 Every day have been a new day for me – creating new opportunities, delivering unique experiences, forming meaningful memories – not forgetting the self-enduring smile and life changing tears. It have been good, innit? 😉

On a side note, did I fall in love? Hahaha! I fell in love every day. 🙂 I shall leave it to your imagination! 😀 And of course with love come tears, tears of contentment and tears of sorrow. Life’s never a predictable journey and love is definitely blind. Situations comes along in the most accidental manner, leaving you dumbfounded – letting time decide the outcome.

Have you ever tried fighting for someone or something so persistently knowing that no matter how hard you struggle, there’s no possible way you can turnaround and claim victory? I did. And of course I lost in my very own battle. 🙂 There’s only so much one can ride out in life. One can’t bear the brunt for too long. I eventually resolved to sit back and acknowledge the truth, the reality and repressing the feelings by soothing myself with my favourite line of all time, “que sera, sera” (whatever will be, will be). 🙂

Don’t worry, I’m still smiling through it all. 🙂 🙂 The agony is discreetly concealed behind the curve that sets everything straight. 🙂 Que sera, sera but I shall carry each and every piece of memory to the end of time. 🙂

She Left Her Cocoon and ..

Hey loves,

Its been some time eh? I’ve been pretty busy managing both work and studies that I hardly have the urge to pen down my thoughts anywhere, besides Twitter. 😉 Follow me to get in touch with my ongoing craps! 😀 Because there’s just too much to say and twitting isn’t sufficient, let me bring you to my thoughts of the day..

After hiding in my cocoon for nearly a year, I’ve evolved into a beautiful butterfly, flying among the flowers, sipping sweet nectar, realizing that not all flowers are freshly blooming as they may seem from a distance. See, my imagination is taking me a little too far.. :p Oh well, its not a bad thing ey.. Sometimes it’s good to let your mind wander.. Haha.

So yeah, I’ve been single for 10 months now, laying low without allowing anyone, except my close friends to invade my territory. In these months, I learned to guard my heart, I learned to evaluate my actions, both right and wrong without anyone pressuring me and change where its necessary, I learned to make decisions on my own, I learned the beauty of being single, I learned to be myself and most importantly, I learned to live WITHOUT a man. And it wasn’t that bad after all. I’m proud to say that I’ve learned the true meaning of independence and I’ve build my own foundation to lead my life. I realize who I am, not absolutely but significantly. 🙂

And finally, when I decide to leave my cocoon, I let myself fly among the flowers, I realize that I could precisely separate the fresh flowers from the not-so-fresh ones! The moment a guy approaches me, through a short conversation, I could certainly predict his intentions. No, I’m not a psychic, neither am I jumping to conclusions, but somethings are just pretty obvious, you don’t have to be a psychic to tell. When a guy says, “What kind of things have you done with your ex?’, “How hot are you?”, “If we’re both in a silent place alone, what would you do me?” and if you play along the lines, he’ll assume that you’re interested to jump on bed with him. And there are also the sweethearts, all they want is to get to know you, they ask you all sorts of questions but they don’t hint anything personal. I love the latter, of course. It’ll definitely makes things pretty comfortable between us.

To be fair, I usually give a benefit of doubt but when I can no longer tolerate, I ignore, completely ignore. And if this person still bugs me, I suppose he’ll see the worst side of me.

Dear boy, guy, man, …

It is evidently not sexy to see a woman as a sex machine. She’s precious as a gem. She have got a heart. She’s a God sent gift on planet earth. Don’t treat her like trash. Its a huge turn off to ask her the type of questions mentioned above. You ‘probably’ meant it at your best interest but any girls, well, most girls will take it the way I did. Yes, please call me ancient if that makes you happy, but I’m a woman with dignity and pride, there’s no way I’m giving myself to anyone whom don’t deserve it. Get it? So pleassseee.. Don’t give me a reason to show my violence. :p

Signing off. 🙂

Isolated.

The title itself explains my feelings at this very moment. I feel isolated.

For once, I haven’t got a clue to what’s important.. To get my dignity stepped on or to keep a step back from people? I’ve realized too many instances of my surroundings bitching behind my back. I wish I could bark to their faces and tell them to do it secretly but if they’re really doing it to offend me, they can always say it directly to my face.

I literally lose my patience today and I couldn’t help from being vomiting my heart out. Enough of pointing those fingers at me, you’re not perfect either. I honestly do NOT understand the logic of the hierarchy system. If one is rich, famous or merely holding a higher position at a workplace, get your head straight and treat others just the way you want to be treated. You have no rights to intimidate them just because you feel that your bank balance worth more than theirs!

Due to the issues that got obvious to my eyes, I chose to keep a step back from these people. What’s the point being close when there’s no sincerity?

I was a stage of life when I gave great importance to feel belonged in a particular place or environment, even if that meant lowering myself to the ground. But I’ve grown ever since. I’ve opened my eyes to many things in life and most important of all, I’ve realized my self-worth. I value myself more than anything else in this world and no, I don’t see the point to bowing down against criticism just to be a part of a society. I’ve turned into a woman with principles and my core principle in life is to preserve my dignity.

I fell in the same grave one too many times and if I’m not gonna change today, when will I? How long will I allow someone to step on me? How long am I gonna choose to dance on their rhythm? No! Not anymore. Its okay. Those who value me will eventually stand by me no matter which storm hits.

Don’t get me wrong.. I’m not being arrogant but yes, I’m proud of myself, very proud indeed. I’m proud to be able to survive each day for my days are never easy. I’m proud to have a focused mind in prioritizing my daily errands. I’m proud to be still sitting here despite knowing the facts that had been going at my ass. And yes, I’ll stand up straight and walk through this journey!

Thank you for your challenges God. Thank you for pouring the rain above me always. Thank you for making me a stronger person each day. And by the end of these post, I got my answer.. I shall keep a step back and ignore. And yes, I shall uphold my dignity like a boss! 🙂

Its Colorful WITHOUT You

It had been a pretty rough two weeks for me. My mind was never free from thoughts. Each incident kept haunting the already disturbed mind. Suddenly it feels like it had been ages since the last I was in peace. I can’t put into words the stress, tense and pain I went through for it wouldn’t justify anything.

A week ago, just before I got caught in a huge trouble, I saw him. I met him. And I could see it clearly, I’m definitely somebody he used to know. There was no care or love in his eyes. I can be more than sure that he just do not love me anymore, not the slightest bit. But its okay.. Though it hurt terribly then, its definitely in the process of healing already. He’s giving me more reasons to believe that I made the right choice, I did the right thing by leaving him. For one sole reason, I don’t deserve this, at all.

I’m the type of girl who takes relationships very seriously, let it be family, friends or the love of my life. I can’t stand someone treating me as if I do not possess any degree of dignity. I fall in my life more than once but I realized that after every rain, there is shine. I’ll get up once again, strong! So it just doesn’t matter if its taking forever to heal this time because I believe that it’ll eventually revive.

Juggling between work and studies is tough, so is juggling between the emotions. Sometimes, you just lose control and you have no choice but to break down, tear, cry, scream, … Cos after all, I’m just a normal girl like the rest of you.

Its okay. You may happen to see this. Its okay. You may choose to criticize me further. Its okay. At least I have ranted. Its okay.. Its okay.. I’ve seen the worst of you that whatever else you do wouldn’t cure the broken heart. 🙂 You can keep scarring the wound again and again but the pain is the same. You can’t hurt me more than you already did, my dear.

I wonder what was I thinking while I created the picture below..

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But I believe I can’t go wrong. And yes, though life is not as colorful, its unquestionably colorful WITHOUT you. When you left, you took away everything but with the blessings of God, my family and friends, I’m amazed with the way its all replenishing!

God bless~